In the Belvédère

Céline had become the confidante of my thoughts. Ever since Christmas we could understand each other; the distance of age no longer existed because I had grown in both height and grace. Before this epoch I’d often complained at not knowing Céline’s secrets, and she told me I was too little, that I’d have to grow “as high as a stool” so that she could have confidence in me. I loved climbing up on that precious stool when I was standing by her side and telling her to speak intimately to me; but all to no avail, a distance separated us still!

Jesus, wanting to have us advance together, formed bonds in our hearts stronger than blood. He made us become spiritual sisters, and in us were realized the words of St. John of the Cross’ Canticle (speaking to her Spouse, the bride exclaims):

Following Your footprints

Maidens run lightly along the way;

The touch of a spark,

The special wine,

Cause flowing in them from the balsam of God.¹⁰⁴

104. Spiritual Canticle, st. 25, Collected Works, p. 569.

Yes, it was very lightly we followed in Jesus’ footprints. The sparks of love He sowed so generously in our souls, and the delicious and strong wine He gave us to drink made all passing things disappear before our eyes, and from our lips came aspirations of love inspired only by Him. How sweet were the conversations we held each evening in the belvédère! With enraptured gaze we beheld the white moon rising quietly behind the tall trees, the silvery rays it was casting upon sleeping nature, the bright stars twinkling in the deep skies, the light breath of the evening breeze making the snowy clouds float easily along; all this raised our souls to heaven, that beautiful heaven whose “obverse side” alone we were able to contemplate.¹⁰⁵

I don’t know if I’m mistaken, but it seems to me the outpourings of our souls were similar to those of St. Monica with her son when, at the port of Ostia, they were lost in ecstasy at the sight of the Creator’s marvels! It appears we were receiving graces like those granted to the great saints. As the Imitation says, God communicates Himself at times in the midst of great splendor or “gently veiled, under shadows and figures.” ¹⁰⁶ It was in this way He designed to manifest Himself to our souls, but how light and transparent the veil was that hid Jesus from our gaze! Doubt was impossible, faith and hope were unnecessary, and Love made us find on earth the One whom we were seeking. “Having found us alone, he gave us his kiss, in order that in the future no one could despise us.” ¹⁰⁷

Graces as great as this were not to be without fruit and it was abundant. The practice of virtue became sweet and natural to us. At the beginning, it is true, my face betrayed the struggle, but little by little this vanished and renunciation was easy, even the first call of grace. Jesus has said: “For to him who has will more be given, and he will have abundance…” ¹⁰⁸ For a grace received faithfully, He granted me a multitude of others. He gave Himself to me in Holy Communion more frequently that I would have dared hope. I’d taken as a rule of conduct to receive, without missing a single one, the Communions my confessor permitted, allowing him to regulate the number and not asking. At this time in my life, I didn’t have the boldness I now have, for I’m very sure a soul must tell her confessor the attraction she feels to receive her God. It is not to remain in a golden ciborium that He comes to us each day from heaven; it’s to find another heaven, infinitely more dear to Him than the first: the heaven of our soul, made to His image, the living temple of the adorable Trinity!

Jesus, aware of the desire and uprightness of my heart, allowed my confessor to tell me to receive Communion during the month of May four times a week; the month having passed, he added a fifth whenever a feast occurred. Sweet were the tears that flowed from my eyes when leaving the confessional. It appeared to be Jesus Himself who desired to give Himself to me, for I went to confession only a few times, and never spoke about my interior sentiments. The way I was walking was so straight, so clear, I needed no other guide but Jesus. I compared directors to faithful mirrors, reflecting Jesus in souls, and I said that for me God was using no intermediary, He was acting directly!