The Imitation and Arminjon
God was able in a very short time to extricate me from the very narrow circle in which I was turning without knowing how to come out. When seeing the road He made me travel, my gratitude was great; but I must admit, if the biggest step was taken, there still remained many things for me to leave behind. Freed from its scruples and its excessive sensitiveness, my mind developed.
I had always loved the great and the beautiful, but at this epoch in my life I was taken up with an extreme desire for learning. Not satisfied with the lessons and work my teacher was giving me, I applied myself to some special studies in history and science, and I did this on my own. The other studies left me indifferent, but these two subjects attracted all my attention; in few months I acquired more knowledge than during my years of study. Ah! this was really only vanity and affliction of spirit.98 The chapter in the Imitation which speaks of knowledge99 came frequently to my mind, but I found ways of continuing all the same, telling myself that being at an age for studying, it could not be bad to do it. I don’t believe I offended God (although I recognize the fact that I spent useless time in it), for I confided myself to a certain number of hours, unwilling to go beyond in order to mortify my intense desire to know things.
I was at the most dangerous age for young girls, but God did for me what Ezechiel reports in his prophecies:
“Passing by me, Jesus saw that the time had come for me to be loved, He entered into a covenant with me and I became His own. He spread his mantle over me, he washed me with precious perfumes, He reclothed me in embroidered robes, He gave me priceless necklaces and ornaments. He nourished me with purest flour, with honey and oil in abundance. Then I became beautiful in His eyes and He made me a mighty queen.”100
100. See Ezekiel 16:8–13.
Yes, Jesus did all this for me. I could take each word and prove it was realized in me, but the graces I already mentioned are sufficient proof. I’m going to speak, therefore, only of the food He provided “in abundance.” I was nourished for a long time on the “pure flour” contained in the Imitation of Christ, this being the only book which did me any good, for as yet I had not discovered the treasures hidden in the Gospels.
I knew almost all the chapters of my beloved Imitation by heart. This little book never parted company with me, for in summer I carried it in my pocket, in winter, in my muff. At Aunt’s they used to amuse themselves by opening the book at random and telling me to recite the chapter before them. With my new desire for knowledge at the age of fourteen, God found it necessary to join to the “pure flour” some “honey and oil in abundance.” this honey and oil He showed me in Abbé Arminjon’s conferences on the end of the present world and the mysteries of the future life.101 This book had been lent to Papa by my dear Carmelites, and, contrary to my custom (I didn’t read Papa’s books), I asked to read it.
101. Conferences preached at Chambery Cathedral, edited in 1881 under the title Fin du Monde présent et Mystères de la vie future.
This reading was one of the greatest graces in my life. I read it by the window of my study, and the impression I received are too deep to express in human words.
All the great truths of religion, the mysteries of eternity, plunged my soul into a state of joy not of this earth. I experienced already what God reserved for those who love Him (not with the eye but with the heart),102 and seeing the eternal rewards had no proportion to life’s small sacrifices,103 I wanted to love, to love Jesus with a passion, giving Him a thousand proofs of my love while it was possible. I copied out several passages on perfect love, on the reception God will give His Elect at the moment He becomes their Reward, great and eternal, and I repeated over and over the words of love burning in my heart.