At Bayeux

It was raining in torrents when we arrived at Bayeux. Papa, unwilling to have his little Queen enter the Bishop’s house with her beautiful dress soaking wet, made her get on a coach and brought her to the cathedral. There my miseries began. The Bishop and all the clergy were attending an important funeral. The cathedral was filled with ladies in mourning and, as a consequence, I was stared at by everybody, dressed as I was in a bright frock and white hat. I would have much preferred to go out of the church, but this was out of the question because of the rain. To humiliate me more, God permitted that Papa in his fatherly simplicity made me take a front seat in the cathedral. Not willing to give him any trouble, I executed this with great grace and thus procured this distraction for the good inhabitants of Bayeux, whom I would have preferred never to have known.

Finally, I was able to breathe freely in a small chapel behind the main altar and stayed there a long time praying fervently and waiting for the rain to stop and allow us to leave. When we were leaving, Papa had me admire the beauty of the edifice which appeared much larger when empty, but one single thought occupied my mind and I was able to enjoy nothing. We went directly to Father Révérony’s¹²⁷ who was aware of our arrival as he himself had set the date of the trip, but he was absent; we had to wander through the streets which appeared very sad to me. Finally, we returned close to the Bishop’s residence, and Papa brought me into a magnificent hotel where I did not do honors to the excellent cooking. Poor little Father’s tenderness for me was incredible! He told me not to be sad, that certainly the Bishop would agree with me. After we had rested, we returned to Father Révérony’s; a gentleman arrived at the same time, but Vicar General politely asked him to wait and had us enter his study first (the poor man had time to be bored for the visit was long).

Father Révérony was very friendly, but I believe the reason for our trip took him by surprise. After looking at me with a smile and asking me a few simple questions, he said: “I am going to introduce you the Bishop; will you kindly follow me?” Seeing the tears in my eyes, he added: “Ah! I see diamonds; you mustn’t show them to the Bishop!” He had us traverse several huge rooms in which portraits of bishops were hanging on the walls. When I saw myself in these large rooms, I felt like a poor little ant, and I asked myself what I would dare say to the Bishop.

The Bishop was walking on the balcony with two priests. I saw Father Révérony say a few words to him and return with him to where we were waiting in his study. There, three enormous armchairs were set before the fireplace in which a bright fire was cracking away. When he saw his Excellency enter, Papa knelt down by my side to receive his blessing; the Bishop had Papa take one of the armchairs, and then he sat down facing him. Father Révérony wanted me to take the one in the middle; I excused myself politely, but he insisted, telling me to show if I knew how to obey. And so I took it without further reflection and was mortified to see him take a chair while I was buried in a huge armchair that could hold four like me comfortably (more comfortably, in fact, for I was far from being so!). I had hoped that Papa would speak; however, he told me to explain the object of our visit to the Bishop. I did so as eloquently as possible and his Excellency, accustomed to eloquence, did not appear touched by my reasons; in their stead a single word from the Father Superior would have been much better, but I didn’t have it and this did not help me in any way.

The Bishop asked me if it had been a long time since I desired to enter Carmel. “Oh! yes, Bishop, a very long time.” “Come, now,” said Father Révérony with a smile, “you can’t say it is fifteen years since you’ve had the desire.” Smiling I said: “That’s true, but there aren’t too many years to subtract because I wanted to be a religious since the dawn of my reason, and I wanted Carmel as soon as I knew about it. I find all the aspirations of my soul are fulfilled in this Order.”

I don’t know, dear Mother, if these are my exact words. I believe they were expressed more poorly, but they contain the substance.

The Bishop, believing he’d please Papa, tried to have me stay with him a few more years, and he was very much surprised and edified at seeing him take my part, interceding for me to obtain permission to fly away at fifteen. And still everything was futile. The Bishop said an interview with the Superior of Carmel was indispensable before making his decision. I couldn’t possibly have heard anything that would cause me more pain than this because I was aware of his formal opposition. Without taking into account Father Révérony’s advice, I did more than show my diamonds to the Bishop. I gave him some!