Consecration to the Blessed Virgin

In the afternoon, it was I who made the Act of Consecration to the Blessed Virgin. It was only right that I speak in the name of my companions to my Mother in heaven, I who had been deprived at such an early age of my earthly Mother. I pull all my heart into speaking to her, into consecrating myself to her as a child throwing itself into the arms of its mother, asking her to watch over her. It seems to me the Blessed Virgin must have looked upon her little flower and smiled at her, for wasn’t it she who cured her with a visible smile? Had she not placed in the heart of her little flower her Jesus, the Flower of the Fields and the Lily of the valley?⁶⁶

In the evening of that beautiful day, I found myself once more with my family. Already in the morning at the Mass, I had embraced Papa and all my relatives. But now this was the real reunion and Papa took the hand of his little Queen and brought her to Carmel. There I saw my Pauline who had become the spouse of Jesus; I saw her with white veil, one like mine, and her crown of roses. Ah! my joy was without any bitterness. I hoped to be with her soon and to await heaven with her! I was not indifferent to the family feast which took place the night of my First Communion. The beautiful watch my King gave me was the cause of great pleasure, but my joy was tranquil and nothing came to disturb my interior peace. Marie took me with her into her room on the night which followed this beautiful day, for the most brilliant days are followed by darkness; only the day of the first, the unique, the eternal Communion of Heaven will be endless!

The day after my First Communion was still beautiful, but it was tinged with a certain melancholy. The beautiful dress Marie had bought me, all the gifts I had received did not satisfy my heart. Only Jesus could do this, and I longed for the moment when I could receive Him a second time. About a month after my First Communion, I went to confession for the Ascension and I dared ask permission to receive Holy Communion. Against all hope, the priest permitted it and so I had the happiness of kneeling at the communion railing between Papa and Marie. What a sweet memory I have of this second visit of Jesus! My tears flowed again with an ineffable sweetness, and I repeated to myself these words of St. Paul: “It is no longer I that live, it is Jesus who lives in me!”⁶⁷ Since that Communion, my desire to receive grew more and more, and I obtained permission to go to Holy Communion on all the principal feasts. On the eve of each of these happy days, Marie took me on her knees and prepared me as she did for my First Communion. I remember how once she was speaking to me about suffering and she told me that I would probably not walk that way, that God would always carry me as a child.

The day after my Communion, the words of Marie came to my mind. I felt born within my heart a great desire to suffer, and at the same time the interior assurance that Jesus reserved a great number of crosses for me. I felt myself flooded with consolations so great that I look upon them as one of the greatest graces of my life. Suffering became my attraction; it had charms about it which ravished me without my understanding them very well. Up until this time, I had suffered without loving suffering, but since this day I felt a real love for it. I also felt the desire of loving only God, of finding my joy only in Him. Often during my Communions, I repeated these words of the Imitation: “O Jesus, unspeakable sweetness, change all the consolations of this earth into bitterness for me.”⁶⁸ This prayer fell from my lips without effort, without constraint; it seemed I repeated it not with my will but like a child who repeats the words a person he loves has inspired in him. Later I will tell you, dear Mother, how Jesus was pleased to realize my desire, and how He was always my ineffable sweetness. Were I to speak of this right now, I would be anticipating the time of my life as a young girl, and there are many details about my life as a child that I have to give you.