Loving and strong education
I consider the overcoming of my fears as a grace I received through you, dear Mother; you used to send me in the evening to a far-off room in search of an object. Had I not been so well guided, I would have been very nervous, whereas now it is difficult to frighten me. I wonder at times how you were able to raise me with so much love and tenderness without spoiling me, for it’s true you never allowed an imperfection to pass, you never scolded me without a reason, and you never went back on something once you made a decision. I knew this so well, I wouldn’t have been able nor would I have wanted to do anything you had forbidden. Papa himself was obliged to conform to your will, for without Pauline’s consent I didn’t even take a walk, and when Papa told me to come I’d answer: “Pauline doesn’t want it.” Then he’d come and ask your permission and to please him, Pauline would say “Yes,” but little Thérèse say by her look that she wasn’t saying it with all her heart, and she’d begin to cry and would not be consoled until Pauline said “Yes” and kissed her with all her heart!
When little Thérèse was sick, which happened every winter,41 it isn’t possible to explain the maternal tenderness she received. Pauline then made her sleep in her bed (incomparable favor) and gave her everything she wanted. One day Pauline drew a beautiful little knife from under her pillow and giving it to her little girl left her in an indescribable ecstasy. “Ah! Pauline,” she cried, “you love me so much you’re willing to deprive yourself of your little knife with the mother of pearl star! Since you love me so much, would you sacrifice your watch to prevent me from dying?” — “I would give you my watch not only to prevent from you dying, but to see you get well soon I’d sacrifice it immediately.” When I heard Pauline’s words, my astonishment and gratitude were so great I couldn’t express them. In the summer, I had stomach aches at times, and Pauline again took tender care of me. To amuse me she would drive me all around the garden in a wheelbarrow and then, making me get off, she’d put in a little daisy plant and drive this very carefully to my little garden where she’d plant it with great ceremony.
It was Pauline too, who received all my intimate confidences and cleared up all my doubts. Once I was surprised that God didn’t give equal glory to all the Elect in heaven, and I was afraid all would not be perfectly happy. Then Pauline told me to fetch Papa’s large tumbler and set it alongside my thimble and filled both to the brim with water. She asked me which one was fuller. I told her each was as full as the other and that it was impossible to put in more water that they could contain. My dear Mother helped me understand that in heaven God will grant His Elect as much glory as they can’t take, the last having nothing to envy in the first. And it was in this way that you brought the most sublime mysteries down to my level of understanding and were able to give my soul the nourishment it needed.
How glad I was to see the day of the distribution of prizes arrive each year! In this as in all other matters, justice was strictly observed and I received only the rewards I deserved. All alone, standing before the august assembly, I listened to my sentence being read by “the King of France and Navarre”; my heart was beating rapidly as I received my prizes and the crown. It was like a picture of the Last Judgement! Immediately after the distribution, the little Queen took off her white dress and they quickly dressed her in disguise in order to take part in the grand pageant that followed.