Pauline will be Mama

The day the Church blessed the mortal remains of our dear Mother, now in heaven, God willed to give me another mother on earth. He willed also that I choose her freely. All five of us were gathered together, looking at each other sadly. Louise was there too, and seeing Céline and me, she said: “Poor little things, you have no mother any more!” Céline threw her arms around Marie saying: “Well, you will be my Mama!” Accustomed to following Céline’s example, I turned instead to you, Mother, and as though the future had torn aside its veil, I threw myself into your arms, crying: “Well, as for me, it’s Pauline who will be my Mama!”

As I’ve already said, it’s from the end of this phase in my life that I entered the second period of my existence, the most painful of the three, especially since the entrance into Carmel of the one whom I chose as my second “Mama.” This period extends from the age of four and a half to that of fourteen, the time when I found once again my childhood character, and entered more and more into the serious side of life.

I must admit, Mother, my happy disposition completely changed after Mama’s death. I, once so full of life, became timid and retiring, sensitive to an excessive degree. One look was enough to reduce me to tears, and the only way I was content was to be left alone completely. I could not bear the company of strangers and found my joy only within the intimacy of the family.

And still I continued to be surrounded with the most delicate tenderness. Our Father’s very affectionate heart seemed to be enriched now with a truly maternal love! You and Marie, Mother, were you not the most tender and selfless of mothers? Ah! if God had not showered His beneficent rays upon His little flower, she could never have accustomed herself to earth, for she was too weak to stand up against the rains and the storms. She needed warmth, a gentle dew, and the springtime breezes. Never were these lacking. Jesus had her fine them beneath the snow of trial!