My character

With a nature such as my own, had I been reared by Parents without virtue or even if I had been spoiled by the maid, Louise,¹⁸ as Céline was, I would have become very bad and perhaps have even been lost. But Jesus was watching over His little fiancée; He had willed that all turn out for her good, even her faults that, corrected very early, stood her in good stead to make her grow in perfections. As I had an excessive self-love and also a love of the good, as soon as I began to think seriously (which I did when still very little), it was enough for one to tell me a thing wasn’t good and I had no desire to repeat it twice.

I see with pleasure that in Mama’s letters I gave her great consolation when growing up. Having nothing but good example around me, I naturally wanted to follow it. This is what she wrote in 1876: “Even Thérèse wants to do little acts of penance at times.¹⁹ She’s a charming child, very alert, very lively, but she is very sensitive. Céline and she are very fond of each other, and are sufficient unto themselves for passing the time. Every day as soon as they’ve eaten dinner Céline takes her little rooster; she catches Thérèse’s little hen with one swoop of her hand, something I can never do, but she’s so lively she gets it in one bound. Then they come with their little pets and sit before the fireplace and amuse themselves for long hours at a time. (It was little Rose who gave me the hen and the rooster, and I gave the rooster to Céline.)

“The other day Céline slept with me and Thérèse had slept on the second floor in Céline’s bed; she had begged Louise to take her downstairs to dress her. Louise went up to get her but found the bed empty. Thérèse had heard Céline and had come down to be with her. Louise said: ‘You don’t want to get dressed?’ Thérèse answered: ‘Oh no! Louise, we are like the two hens, we’re inseparable!’ Saying this they embraced each other and both held each other tightly. Then in the evening Louise, Céline, and Léonie left for the meeting of the Catholic circle and left little Thérèse all alone. She understood she was too little to go to the meeting and she said: ‘If they would only let me sleep in Céline’s bed!’ But no, they didn’t want it, so she said nothing and stayed alone with her little lamp and fifteen minutes later fell into a sound sleep.”²⁰

Another day Mama wrote: “Céline and Thérèse are inseparable and it’s impossible to see two children love each other so much. When Marie comes to get Céline for her classes, poor Thérèse begins to cry. Alas, what’s going to become of her, her little friend is leaving! Marie pities her and takes her along too, and the poor little thing sits in a chair for two or three hours on end; she is given some beads to thread or a little piece of cloth to sew, and she doesn’t dare budge but heaves deep sighs. When her needle becomes unthreaded, she tries to rethread it; and it’s funny to see her, not being able to succeed and still not daring to bother Marie. Soon you can see two big tears rolling down her cheeks! Marie consoles her very quickly, threads the needle, and the poor little angel smiles through her tears.”²¹

I remember that I really wasn’t able to be without Céline. I’d sooner leave the table without taking my dessert than not to follow her as soon as she got up. Begging for help to get down, I would turn in my highchair, and then we would go out and play together. Sometimes we went with the Mayor’s little daughter, and I liked this because of the park and all the beautiful toys she showed us. But most of the time I went there only to please Céline, much preferring to stay in our own little garden to scrape the walls and get all the little shiny stones there, then we would go and sell them to Papa who bought them from us in all seriousness.

On Sunday, as I was too little to go to the services, Mama stayed with me; I was very good, walking around on tiptoe during the Mass; but as soon as I saw the door open, there was an explosion of joy! I would throw myself in front of my pretty little sister, “adorned like a chapel,” ²² and say: “Oh! little Céline, hurry, give me the blessed bread!” Sometimes she didn’t have it because she arrived too late. What to do? I wasn’t able to be without it as this was “my Mass.” A way was soon found. “You haven’t any blessed bread? Then make some!” No sooner said than done. Céline got a chair, opened the cupboard, took the bread, cut off a slice, and then very gravely recited a Hail Mary over it, and then she gave it to me. After making a sign of the Cross I would eat it with great devotion, finding it tasted the same as the blessed bread.